Almost Done

School is almost out and while I'm ready to be out of school for the summer I also don't want to. School is the only way I am able to see him. Its been extremely difficult seeing him at school because I am stalked 24/7.

Its been extremely difficult these past few days too. Tomorrow is the last day I can see him. I'm going to be a wreck. I don't know how I am going to live. I need him and I am being torn away from him. I will be thinking about him all summer. School will be a welcomed thing when we go back.

Just another day

An okay day. Ready to not have to think about everything. He's still on my mind every day. I doubt he thinks about me that much anymore though. I'm just a girl in his past. I'm okay with it. As long as he is happy I will be okay with it. I'll never be 100% happy with it but ill be okay with it because he is happy with whoever the girl is.


I wish i had a way to know that he read these. But I don't........


Babe. If your reading this I love you

Sadness

Im in the middle of watching a movie called The 5th Quarter. Its a very sad story with a very good meaning. Yes ive been crying the ENTIRE movie basically but the story and purpose of this movie is much deeper. The family of this kid who passed away after a car crash shows just how strong they can be after a tragedy because of God. It makes me wonder what will happen when i die. Will my family care? Will my friends come and say goodbye to me? It just makes me wonder.........

Been Okay

Its been going okay. I'm ready for school to be over. Second period has been stressful trying to make a dress code video. I'm ready to start work this summer. The little girl i'm babysitting is so cute!!!!!!!! I'm excited for it.


 I haven't been sleeping very well. I keep having nightmares about him. I keep thinking he will leave.... That he wont wait till i'm able to date him. I think he will leave this summer. I think he will get tired of waiting and will just leave. I don't know. Maybe i'm just over thinking everything. Who knows.

An okay day

Today wasn't to bad. Went to school, sat in classes, ate some lunch, sat in more classes and then came home. Now I'm watching Netflix and enjoying my afternoon homework free. Might wash my car again cause is so dirty.

I don't know if he ate. I care a lot about him. I want him to keep eating. I want him to be normal. If he finds another girl that makes him happy I want him to date her. I'll always care about him but maybe its better if he dates someone else while I'm in trouble with my parents. Maybe he will find the girl that makes him really happy. He makes me really happy but I don't think I make him really happy.

The need for my boyfriend

I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend. I want to see him. I want to kiss him. I want to be in his arms and not have to feel so insecure about myself. He loves me. He loves me no matter what i'm wearing or what i'm doing. My parents just don't see it. He is the sweetest boy I've ever met. He cares about me like no one else does.


Sometimes I just want to run away. We could run away together. That'd be fun. Just run away and never look back. As soon as I turn 18 i'm moving out. I'm going to move in with him and if I have to i'll marry him. I need him in my life.


The bad thing is he will never know how I feel about him. No one will. It's not like no one actually reads this blog. If anyone does I'd really like to know. I'd like to know that someone cares enough to read and feel bad for my horrible life.